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updated 03/03/07
Let's talk about American Wannabe--- Oops, I mean "American Idol".
HL Mencken is said to have remarked "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. Substitute or add the words "taste" and "acumen" and- ding ding ding- you've got a winner, folks! He hit the nail right on the head.
Our society is already far too celebrity oriented. We've truly become a nation of star fuckers. BenJen, Brangelina, TomKat, Anna Nicole, Anna Nicole, Anna Nicole, Anna Nicole, Anna Nicole...oh and...yes,Anna Nicole.
Insular vapid annoying people with far more money than sense and,yes, I include a certain well known half of TomKat in that category.
So why should we make more of them? They're like roaches...get rid of one dumbass celeb and there're be plenty more to follow. As Joni Mitchell said: "Stoking the star maker machinery Behind the popular song"
There are plenty of plastic fantastic lovers out there...prepackaged, pubes waxed, dieted down and bemuscled (if male), coifs shampooed, conditioned, cut, razored, styled, moussed, lacquered, up,down, short, long, layered, highlighted, lowlighted, Bumble & Bumbled, unsightly cellulite, nose hairs, bunions eradicated, botoxed, lipo'd, tranqued, prozac'd,rehabbed, photo'd, dressed, undressed, sexed up, sexed down, bodyguarded, fed, unfed, dieted, starved, bulked, debulked, high colonic'd, prosecuted, acquitted, divorced, married, breeding, not breeding, anorexic, chubby, fat, thin, has been, never was, getting there, A list, B list, C list, D list, advertised, dropped, repped, dropped by their agents, red carpet cuties, back room drinkers...etcetera.
So we have a show that seeks to give us even more of these pampered simpering morons.
And it doesn't seek to find the next Kate Hepburn, Montgomery Clift, Jonathan Pryce, Sir John Gielgud, Emma Thompson, Cate Blanchett-or to chose the applicable genre- the next Joni Mitchell, Annie Lennox, Joan Baez, Harry Connick Jr, Steven Tyler...no, American Idol gives us the most predigested bland pablum imaginable and the American public is eating it with gusto.
Yes, you have to have a great voice to make it on American Idol, but you have to also have sold your soul to Satan- well, just kidding. You do, however, have to sing the blandest most mainstream crap, ever. All soul, all originality, is carefully avoided. Singers who have unusual voices and non mainstream acts are jeered at by the panel of judges. There was one guy who had some kind of unusual rocker/vampire thing happening. His voice wasn't great, but he could carry a tune, his delivery was unusual, his appearance was original (ok, it was kind of weird) and he was not just rejected but he was laughed at.
Well, let's see. How would Ozzie Osbourne do? He isn't exactly a pretty boy- not even when he was young. He's strange, he's odd, he sings some stuff people think is scary and his voice is really no great shakes. But he was a millionaire long before The Osbournes was aired on tv. From his singing.
Here're some others: Neil Young. Bob Dylan. Laura Nyro, Jorma Kaukonen, Brian Johnson, Mick Jagger, Mick Jones (the Clash) Axel Rose, Devo. Trent Reznor. Kim Carnes, Patti Smith. Even John Lennon if it comes to that.
Not only are their voices not picture perfect (some of them can barely carry a tune even with an economy sized wheelbarrow) but they also aren't mainstream (though they were all very very successful), bland or muzakish.
Now, Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia Barrino, Bo whatsisname, and all those other finalists and semi finalists on American Wannabe can sing beautifully. They also sound like dozens and dozens and dozens of other singers out there.
I personally wouldn't offer any of them any other jobs than that of studio musicians and/or backup singers.
We don't need singers with less originality out there. We already have people like Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, the Dixie Chicks, Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce and a host of other bland, waxed, botoxed, highlighted tressed annoying little nits to listen to (or in my case, run screaming from the room whenever they're on the radio or tv). And there's alwaysnew ones coming along. For a while, we even had the band "Ketchup". Oh now, that's a nice spicy mix- NOT. Oh- and Beyonce, too.
In addition, Simon Cowell constantly makes fun of less talented or odder sounding performers. Sometimes he doesn't do it, but often he does. This is annoying. This is grandstanding. But grandstanding sells. And why? Because the show is so bland, they have to spice it up somehow, so instead of originality in the singing, we have it in some musclebound over opinionated conceited those-who-can't-do idiot's insults instead.
You could spice up that show much better by ditching Cowell and ditching the Kelly Clarkson types and getting a few more Trent Reznor types up there.
I hear Michael Jackson may become one of the judges. I'd like to think they are going to replace Cowell, but I'm sure they won't. However, Jackson is savvy and isn't really big on insulting people. I don't think he'll advocate for any neo Neil Youngs or so forth, but he will be good at judging the inevitable Bos and Clarksons and Barrinos that we're getting shoved down our throats.
Well, I guess that's the best we can hope for.
Or is it?
Dig out your late 70s/early 80s punk, dig out your old acid rock cds (or lps if you actually kept the vinyl around) dig out your Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, folkie, and your huddled massed Dylan stuff. Give us your Marilyn Mansons, your Ozzie Osbournes, your Alice Coopers yearning to breathe free of the cardboard boxes in the garage; your industrial rock, your Motown,your zydeco, your reggae, your Nine Inch Nails, your Rage Against the Machine, your Beastie Boys and, of course, your System of a Down...
It's the perfect antidote for the American Wannabe pablum.That, and your remote control. Click away from there. Step back and put a decent CD (or one that isn't, but at least has some character) in the player and rock on while we burn Simon Cowell in effigy and send Paula Abdul to rehab.
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